This is a tale from long long ago, back when gangs of youths tormented Western Sydney (more than they do today) and “Cops killed Tsakos” was the graffiti sprayed on the side of the chemist on Hawkesbury Rd. Parramatta Park still had the train that hadn’t been burnt out and Westmead Hospital was still all shiny and new.
That’s right, it was the 80s. 1986 to be exact. I was 6. They were tough times. People drove home drunk. I was allowed to drive my parent’s car down the driveway, meat was thawed out in the sun all day. Kids roamed the streets until the street lights came on. Kids got bashed with wooden spoons.
As we know (now), I have grown up to become a world-renowned scientist, owning a quite inquisitive mind (read: overthinking). This crime takes place when I was 6, and in year 1. No longer in kindy and full of confidence I wanted to understand why I was skinny while my friend *Katie was…..not. My scientific hypothesis was that she did not have a body full of blood like mine, but perhaps she was filled with yellow…..fat. You can see where this is going…..
So, sitting next to her literally right in front of the teacher, I took out a standard-issue 2B lead pencil and sharpened it up to the pointiest of points and promptly stabbed it into her chunky thigh as hard as my little arms could. Unfortunately, I didn’t pierce her substantial hide but *Katie screamed so loud that I thought I may have killed her. She was sent to the sickbay while I was sent directly to Miss Baxter’s office (she was the very stern Diana Ferrari loafer-wearing middle-aged junior school Vice-Principal). With what could only be described as fury in her eyes asked me, “What on earth was I thinking?” When I told her about my experiment she just laughed and laughed and laughed, eventually saying she would have to put me on numerous detentions and call my parents. My life of crime came to a very swift end. *Katie and I were no longer friends.
That’s it from me for now. Please let me know if you’ve ever broken bad, if you’ve ever stabbed someone or if you ever conducted your own scientific experiments ending in detention. In the next post, I ponder whether this early violent episode has led me to a life of watching gratuitously violent tv.
*Katie recovered quite well, no scarring (physically).
*Katie’s name has been changed to protect the innocent.
