The basic premise of this show is um, ahhhh, okay I admit I have no idea what the purpose of this show is. It follows a group of early 20s aspiring singers/models/fashion designers/influencers as they go about their everyday lives doing *important stuff* and making the rest of the world want to be them. Every week one of the glitterati holds an event to launch a product or their brand, show their art or heal the vibrational energy of the group where the group is the entire audience. Dress code strictly white linen and g-string bikinis. The group’s maturity level matches that of a Year 8 PE class. Conversation revolves around calling each other ‘fake’ through faces of lip filler, botox and boob jobs.
In the first episode, we meet the gang, specifically Sarah (aspiring musician from the dreaded glitzy/gaudy/trashy Gold Coast) and Jade (a male influencer from the glamorous/fabulous Gold Coast), are treated completely differently. As Sarah is treated as ‘fresh meat’ by the guys, the girls all talk about how ‘trashy’ she is and how the guys can do better. Meanwhile, Jade is welcomed by the whole gang because he’s not a threat to stealing any of the guys’ attention away from the girls.
Sarah is interested in Nathan but is worried he’s a ‘fuckboi’ (promiscuous man about town), at the end of the series she leaves town, shocked to discover that apparently he is said fuckboi and has had a thing with his flatmate. Sarah do you not ever I don’t know, Google anyone? Cue: Nathan’s history of being a ‘reality star’ – The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise or Love Island or MAFS or Great Australian Bake Off, honestly I really don’t care.
Credit: Netflix
Elle throws a fundraiser to “Save the Oceans”. WOW. I wondered how she was going to save 70% of the earth’s surface by inviting 10 friends to a party, but then she wheeled out a lifesize 3D sculpture of herself where the other ‘influencers’ could plant pieces of coral in plastic tubes to dump somewhere in the ocean and apparently regenerate the entire Great Barrier Reef. Like the planet hasn’t suffered enough.
The intelligence level of the show can be summed up with this sentence, “Alex has a bigger vocabulary than me, he must’ve gone to year 12”.
And that ladies and gentlemen is why I don’t want to go back to Byron Bay ever now.
Do you often find yourself watching or reading the news or doing something in life where you use the term “What the f*ck?”. Like what the actual f*ck. There are so many times each day, each week, each month…..where I just don’t get it.
Here’s my current list (in no particular order):
Why do stupid people become so successful? Case in point: Donald Trump.
On the flip side, why do smart people do stupid things?
Why is the economy more important than the environment? Nearly 3 billion animals were lost in Australia’s recent bushfires, so let’s destroy some of their remaining habitat where there are some known colonies of Koala’s and build some overpriced McMansions. You can help here.
Why were there millions of jobs throughout the world that required us all to go into an office every day, sit in traffic for hours, that are now magically able to be done remotely with the same output ….
If someone can tell me how to plot/interpret this diagram I would be much appreciative;
Adiabatic lapse rates, aerological diagrams and just generally using this graph paper are not my friend.
Why we work a ratio of 5 days work to 2 days on – it seems really crazy to me. Why does working rule our lives so much.
Why school hours don’t match up to working hours.
Why I can’t wear smart casual attire to work in the office. I’m not talking trackie daks and thongs, I’m talking black jeans, trainers and a cool shirt. I don’t produce work to a higher standard or work harder or more productively because I am wearing a business suit and heels.
Why people believe “Influencers” over actual scientific fact. All those people who promote health, wellbeing and natural lifestyle all while having fillers and implants. Photoshopped instaposts #blessed with captions like: “Today is the day to start your dreams” or “Wherever you find yourself there you are…use “influencer 10” for a 10% discount off incontinence pads”. Note: If anyone online says “You’ve all been asking what I’m wearing…..” you can ABSOLUTELY GUARANTEE that NOBODY has asked them.
My attempt at influencing has earned me ZERO dollars and ZERO respect
Why is bottled water so popular? It’s free from the tap and perfectly safe in Australia.
How people can abuse animals, or children? Some adults… I get.
Why mental health inpatients are given the same treatment as recovering drug addicts? I’m anxious and depressed, not coming off meth or opioids.
Why people stand up as soon as the plane lands (mostly middle-aged man-babies, I wrote about it here). In the same way, why people jump up to go to the toilet as soon as the ‘fasten seatbelt’ sign is off.
Why can’t I sleep at night?
How the trees magically know it’s spring time.
Why – when it’s summer I can’t wait for winter and in winter I can’t wait for summer.
That’s a good little list for starters. Got anything you want to add to my list?
Online dating is the world in which: BDE, Sapiosexual, MBA, ENM, NK, ISO, NSA, DTF, FWB, no breadcrumbing! Translates to: BDE (Big Dick Energy), Sapiosexual (someone who’s attracted to brains over boobs), MBA (Married But Available), ENM (Ethical Non-Monogamist), NK (No Kids), ISO (In Search Of), NSA (No Strings Attached), DTF (Down To F*ck), FWB (Friends With Benefits), No Breadcrumbing (Don’t feed me with flirtation and don’t follow through).
It’s slim pickings out there ladies……
50% want something casual. “I just want something casual babe”. Friends with benefits. No ‘drama’, I don’t want to have to deal with a womans ‘shit’ – I’ve already had a nagging wife.
20% are still married. Although one guy said he was ‘separated’ but ‘coparenting and living in the same house’.
10% are in ‘open’ or ‘polyamorous’ relationships.
10% say the most important person in their life is their mother.
Am I at 100% yet?
I’ve always wanted a ‘real man’ who irons his shits and knows how to threat a woman.
Others I’ve rejected include those that describe themselves as ‘sensual’, are covered in bad tribal tattoos, look like they would beat up their wives, post pictures of their exes (so we know what they’re into), wear Carrera sunglasses, who get to/two/too, rode/road, your/you’re and those who physically repulses me.
Obviously I am too picky.
Mostly they’re into posting gym selfies, pictures of themselves fishing and on all kinds of motorbikes. Staffies are the dog of choice.They lie about their age, want great ‘banter’ and women who keep themselves ‘fit’. Basically they want a ‘mate’ they can ‘fuck’ who expects nothing in return and is okay with being discarded when they lose interest. The questions I get asked most are: What size are your boobs and do you have pubes?
I met one guy who enjoyed shooting wild pigs with a machine gun (he sent me a video). Another who was living in his car and drove to McDonalds to get free WIFI. One who was only online to enhance his photo collection of ‘bewbs’. I’ve been offered multiple one night stands and a few threesomes.
The threesomes were fun. Joking!!!! Haha Mum, joking!!!!
These ones weren’t even the weirdest.
I am on a swipe left/swipe right type website, where we are judged solely on our looks (we only get 150 characters of type to make an ‘impression”). It’s not Tinder but it’s not far from it.
On the flip side I’ve learned that I am hardly a catch, I have been rejected for a myriad of reasons; I didn’t get excited about his bagpipe band, I came off second or third or 51st best when he was having many many simultaneous conversations and he was interested in ‘some of the others’ more, I told him that scanning everything as carrots at the self serve checkout was actually theft, I have pubic hair.
I now know why married people can be smug married people – they don’t have to deal with this cesspool of online dating any longer.
Better go, I have to get back to my inbox full of unsolicited dick pics.
P.S They all think their ‘member’ is the best, biggest, brightest. So far I am underwhelmed.
I love a man who can mansplain how online dating works.
I actually don’t know anyone who actually looks forward and celebrates Valentines Day. There are obviously enough people that still do celebrate the day to make it commercial. But me? I worked from home today so I could avoid all of the flowers on all of the desks and all of the questions about my plans.
The only time I did get a Valentines Day message was many many moons ago, when my nephew was 3 or 4 and it was Ballenchimes Day. I wrote about it here.
For this year I’ve put together all my favourite anti-Valentines sentiments all in one convenient location. You’re welcome!
I’ve been taking this ‘anti love potion’ for 39 years. Turns out it’s working pretty well for me. It seems to have a similar effect to not wearing deodorant or not brushing my teeth. Ahhhh Valentines Day. The day where all us single people get to sit and watch icky sick loved up people gush all over one another.
Actually what may be the saddest thing ever is not the fact that I have never ever received a Valentines is that in my history of dating I have received maybe 1 or 2 birthday gifts, ZERO Christmas gifts that were not a regift and ZERO bunches of flowers.
Sitting at work yesterday felt like the whole building had been taken over by love. There were literally trolleys worth of red roses being delivered for all the pretty young things not scarred by years of hopelessness and sorrow! So dramatic aren’t I!?!
What would be sadder, though is if I purchased and sent flowers and gifts to myself at work? Mental note: today roses are cheap as.
Surprise-Surprise there is a new book out called Love! (Just in time for Valentines Day). By Zoe Foster Blake who is a female writer and entrepreneur who is apparently knowledgable on all thing love because of the fact that: 1. She wrote a Cosmo column giving relationship advice while she dated a rugby league star and 2. Is married to Hamish Blake. Call me bitter and cynical – I dare you!
Which got me thinking about who is best qualified to give relationship advice. Who is the most successful at love? Someone who met and married someone straight out of school and was married for 60 years? Someone who had a career and then got married about 35 and had their allotted 2.5 children? Someone married 3, 4 or 5 times? It seems that those most successful at love found the right person. ONCE. They had one successful relationship. One! Someone married 5 times would not necessarily be given the tag of ‘most successful at relationships’! Love has such a small margin of error.
So, I have actually spent the day yesterday with one of the real loves of my life. Ben Folds! Headphones in while I stare at a screen.
This is one of my favourite ‘love songs’ which I dedicate to myself!:
I’m not really a person the ‘covets’ objects, not into fashion, cars, furniture. The only ‘thing’ I do want in life is a house. In the bush. Simple in design but surrounded by trees and the Australian bush. My own little piece of Australia.
The Australian bush to me feels like ‘home’. Smells like home. Why not make it my home as well.
I first saw this home, one day at work when I was browsing (read: supposed to be working), I thought it was simple, cool and kind of awesome. I like homes that don’t pretend to be anything they’re not. A bit like people. I don’t like peopley pretenders either.
The homes name comes from the fact that it was first used as a knackery. As crude as that sounds, but I am all for repurposing and upcycling, also creating good from something not so.
I love that this is one bedroom. For some reason most of the homes I’ve had on “I Could Live Here” are only 1 bed. Why have more than you need?
I love that the bedroom has a massive sliding window that connects the house to the trees.
It is simple in design and construction – not overly “architecturised” that wasn’t a word until right now.
The construction was completed by friends and family of the owner, who camped at the property for chunks of time during construction.
