On Success

I’ve been pretty cranky, quite annoyed at myself lately. I thought about what a joke my blog’s title is….in particular, the word change. Nothing at all has changed. Nothing. I am in exactly the same place, the same person, still single, still not moving up the corporate ladder, still living at the same address, same dog, mostly the same problems. Then I was angry at myself that this was a first world problem and there are actually people living in poverty, and war zones and that made me even angrier at myself.   

I was annoyed that I was still me and not someone different. A company director, head of a department, a social media maven, successful blogger, wife, mother……..

When we finish school, some of us put huge pressure on ourselves to ‘make it’ – to leave a legacy. To be successful. The move up the corporate ladder, earn more, BE MORE. Be someone. Fulfill our potential.

I once heard of a study that broke people down into two groups. The glass half full types, that are generally satisfied with where they are in life, happy with what they have, and mostly ok with that which they don’t have. The glass half empty were hardly ever satisfied with where they were at in life, always wanting more. More career prospects, more money, more stuff, better house, to be fitter, stronger.

What the study found was that for the second group of people as they achieved what they thought ‘success was’ the goal post had moved to the point where they were then no longer satisfied with that version of ‘success’. As they got paid what they thought their figure for ‘happiness’ was, that figure by then had moved and they wanted (or thought they needed more).

Unfortunately, I don’t remember the name of the study, and I am certain that I am paraphrasing but you get the gist of it.

So…..that must then mean that ‘true’ success is unattainable for the half empty-ers, but always attainable for the half-fullers.

I have always thought that I must be glass half empty.

When I started this blog, I thought it would spur me on to create change in myself and become a different (dare I say, better person), I would track my journey from mediocre employee through rising star, to leader, to senior leader of an organisation.

I thought I would track the journey from single person to boyfriend, engaged, married, kids.

The journey from living in a small apartment to growing into a house, creating a home of my very own. The woman who has managed to prove that yes, you can have it all. Whatever ‘it all’ really means.  

I failed.

Well, at my original ‘measure’ of success.

Images posted all over social media like these haven’t helped.

Maybe I am actually a half-full type, or maybe, like Stockholm Syndrome, I started to like or love the position I was stuck in. Maybe I have just simply failed. Lazy. Master-ess of procrastinating. Lowering my expectations is the key to feeling better about myself .

Or perhaps maybe, just maybe it is totally and completely OK to:

• Not reach the top of the pecking order as director or a company, CEO, Chief or Head of a department
• Not be married simply to fulfil an old ‘life goal’ and marry the wrong person or to just stay unmarried. What’s wrong with being on the shelf anyway? The view is actually quite nice from the shelf. 
• Not have children
• Live alone, indulging in one’s own thoughts
• Not have cured cancer or be the Prime Minister or changed the world

Perhaps, I have changed in other, more subtle ways. Looking at the world differently. Measuring success in a realistic way. Focusing on what I enjoy, rather than what will get me ahead.

What’s wrong with being still. Growing in areas that can’t be seen.